25 Years of TMNT... Makes Me Sad - Day 4

I apologize for not having updated in a week... I've had other things on my mind, believe it or not :p

So, after seven freakin' awesome seasons, the current Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV series is ending. This Saturday is the final episode. That's it, finished, done, soon to be yesterday's news. Now, ordinarily, I wouldn't be too bothered - although I'll miss it terribly, it had an amazing run for a Saturday morning cartoon in this day and age - especially one produced in the US. However, considering that this is the 25th anniversary of the franchise, you'd think they'd go one more year at least, right? Guess not.

I don't know who the blame would go to for its cancellation; I've heard the blame being attached to different entities without absolute proof on who pulled the trigger, so until I can test for GSR, I'll just present the blame as "theories".

One theory is that 4Kids is trying to focus more on making crappy card game cartoons and importing anime. Quite plausible, since this Chaotic bullplop is one of the "big things" right now, despite having ludicrously retarded plotlines and the card game just being an amalgamated ripoff of its predecessors. In fact, whereas Back to the Sewer's animation and art style was watered down a wee bit, Chaotic's was pumped up. This is all retardedly annoying, as Back to the Sewer would still prove to pull in good ratings, and when they threw BttS against new episodes of Chaotic on opposing networks (CW4Kids and the now defunct 4KidsTV, respectively), TMNT was actually drawing higher ratings than Chaotic!

Another theory maintains that because Playmates was funding 1/3 of the show, Playmates dropped out of fronting the money, and Mirage and 4Kids couldn't support their portion of the show. This theory balances on the fact that Playmates at least partially blames the TV show for the lack of toy sales, or at least believes that the Turtles are unpopular because the figures aren't selling. However, this has less to do with any factors other than the fact that most of the figures these days are complete and utter rubbish! If Playmates would get their heads out of their asses and actually release some decent figures that people want to buy, this wouldn't be an issue! Not to mention the fact that they still have yet to release figures for Back to the Sewer... isn't it kind of counterproductive to release them after the show is over?

The final theory bouncing around is that Mirage, or at least the bigwigs over there, don't care. Again, this has merit, as you can see from my rant on Mirage themselves. This is further supported by the fact that when questioned about the show's cancellation, Peter Laird so much shrugged and said that it's not the end of the world if it goes off the air. While anyone would be a simpleton for thinking that the two events are equal, I hate how nonchalant Laird is about the issue. How can you not give a shit about the only reason anybody even knows your name?

Further confusing the matter, is that 4Kids' TMNT panel at the New York City Comic Con was called "TMNT Animation: 25 and Going Strong". All that's coming out (to our knowledge) after this final episode of Back to the Sewer, is a direct-to-DVD feature. How is it 'Going Strong' if the series had only two more episodes at that point?

The worst part is, there's so many plotlines still left unresolved. Admittedly, most of them are quite minor, but they still bug me quite a bit. Some that I can think of off of the top o' my noggin:
-What is the origin of Touch & Go's powers?
-Did Mr. Marlin actually die, or did he survive like in the comics?
-We saw that the giant, demonic, Lovecraftian monstrosity from The Darkness Within survived Leonardo's onslaught. What is it up to?
-What is Bishop's relationship to Agent Finn, and how did he become a monster?
-Is Rat King actually dead?
-How exactly does Ch'rell connect to the original Oroku Saki? Did he learn of the legend of The Shredder and simply fashion his earthbound life after him to strike fear into Japanese villagers? How did he obtain the Heart of Tengu, and thus gain control of the original Saki's Heralds?
-Are Hun and Garbageman really brothers (as indicated in an unreleased episode?)
-What happened to Cody's parents? The show has hinted that Darius did something to them, but it's never elaborated on....
-How did Darius gain control of the noble Inuwashi Gunjin?
-What happened with Darius and the Dark Turtles? Are they still after Cody and causing chaos in the 2100's?
-Who is Master Khan, and how did he gain control of the Foot Clan?
-Why is Stockman working for Hun and not with Bishop, as seen in Fast Forward?
-Why did Khan think that he had defeated the Turtles in the distant future seen in Tempus Fugit?
-Speaking of that distant future, how did Ch'rell and the original Oroku Saki return to battle with Cyber Shredder?

This is all just flippin' nuts. We've got a show that's ending when the franchise turns 25, all of these unanswered questions about it, both within the show and in real life... this isn't Sparta... it's just madness.

25 Years of TMNT... Makes Me Sad - Day 3

Today, we'll talk about one of the things the TMNT are most well known for - action figures. Not including the brief period of inactivity in the late 90's-early 2000's, TMNT action figures have been a mainstay of toy isles for twenty years. Toys have flown off shelves in certain years in record amounts, and the toys have helped make both Playmates and TMNT what they are today.

1988 saw the release of the first wave of figures - ten of 'em.



Years roll by, and after a couple of reboots, we get to where we are today. So what does the 25th anniversary have in store for us?



Oh yay. Every known hip-hop stereotype crammed onto a single figure. I can almost hear Sam Riegel screaming "GET BACK MOTHERF***ER, YOU DON'T KNOW ME LIKE THAT!" TMNT figures have always had zany, stupid variants like Crazy Clownin' Mike, Punk Don, and Bodacious Biker Leo. The only difference is that these figures were completely different sculpts from the originals. Donny D here? He's just the standard 2007 Movie Don with stuff glued to him and his teeth painted gold. Ugh. Just how much lazier can you get?



Pretty damn lazy, apparently. While Playmates has long made figures that weren't quite accurate to the shows, they've never been this... vomit inducing. You'd think that for the 25th anniversary, Playmates would actually attempt to get their figures that are actually in the show, sort of close to their cartoon appearances. And again, it's just a standard figure with crap glued to him. This looks like something an amateur customizer would come up with! What's the worst part, is these are supposed to represent Back to the Sewer. Playmates is releasing Cyber versions of all four Turtles, Shredder, Foot Ninja, and a build-a-figure Splinter - none of which have correct colours (Splinter's fur is freaking BLUE for Christ's sake!)... and all of which are reportedly "coming soon", despite the fact that the show is over in two weeks!

Toy companies have an unhealthy obsession with variants of the main character, and no more so than Playmates. The worst thing is, TMNT has four main characters, so when a wave of figures is ushered out, there's always the four Turtles and a bad guy or two - if that! The Alien Hunters figures were supposed to release with four villains, but in the US, only two of them were. The other two were released only in the UK, despite all four of them being openly advertised in all markets. The Sub-Sewer came and went last year (or, rather, came and went... directly to the clearance aisle), and the two villains planned - which actually made appearances in Back to the Sewer - never showed up.

Two years ago, Playmates jumped on the chibi-ish figure bandwagon and brought out a new line of Mini-Mutants (not to be confused with the Mighty Max-esque Mini-Mutants from the 90's). They did rather well... sadly, though, the market has been soiled with lame Turtles variants and the same villains over and over. Wave 1's villains consisted of Hun, Rat King, Triceraton, and Foot Tech Ninja. Last year's Extreme Sports wave consisted of Baxter Stockman, Jammerhead, Elite Foot, and Multi-Arm Shredder. Earlier this year, the Mini-Mutant villains consisted of Hun, Foot Tech Ninja, Elite Foot, and Shredder (which was a pack-in with a Mini-Mutants playset). What does the upcoming "SWAT" Mini-Mutant Turtles come with? Rat King, Hun, Foot Tech Ninja, and Shredder. See a pattern here? Not only that, there have been no allies in Mini-Mutants. In fact...

There have been no new ally figures OR female figures for almost two years. And besides the 25th anniversary re-releases (which I will get to in a minute), the only allies being released in the foreseeable future are - I am not making this up - two Splinter figures. And NO new female figures. The series has always been mostly about the Turtles vs. baddies, but their allies - Casey Jones, April O'Neil, Leatherhead, Miyamoto Usagi - have all been very well known as well. Sometimes it takes more than just four shellbacks to beat down wave after wave of Foot Ninja, street punks, aliens, evil mutants, and monsters. It's just sickening that Playmates has ignored the Turtles' friends for so long, and seemingly continue to do so.

Now let's get to one of the sort-of cool releases for the 25th anniversary. Playmates has selected thirteen figures from the original line - including all of the original "Ten back" figures, and is steadily releasing them in waves. This is perfect for the newer fan that isn't eBay savvy, or collectors that don't care what release of a figure they get, and don't want to pay out the butt for carded versions of some of these characters. I also think it would be neat to see the likes of Bebop and Rocksteady on shelves again (they've already released, but as of this writing, I haven't personally seen any of the 2009 releases).

In theory, this is a cool idea. However, there's a few things that I do have to gripe about. One of which, is the chosen box art. I like the idea of the 25th anniversary logo in the corner, and the big ol' character information sticker on front of the bubble, but that's about it. The card art looks like it was haphazardly patched together by a tenth-grader learning PhotoShop, and it's WAY too crowded. Ideally, if they were going to use the same art as was used initially, they should have at least cut the duties in half - one card art for the good guys, and one for the bad. Better yet, they should have had the original artist, if possible, draw ALL NEW card art in the same style. I miss the days when every card was unique. I also lament the absence of the famous Accessory and Portrait sections on the card's back. These were staples of the original line back in the day.

These suckers are selling like hotcakes all over the place, though, and hopefully not just through internet scalpers (who sell them at 2-3 times their MSRP). It is my hope that this persuades Playmates into re-releasing more figures from the old line, or, better yet, NEW figures based on the old line. They're already sort of doing that with the Old Toon DVD Season 7, but they're just downscaled versions of the original four Turtles. It's something, though....

The other line that is potentially exciting, is their Mirage Comics line. While not as awesome as NECA's line, they look to break Playmates' trappings of the other full-scaled figures we've seen over the past couple of years.

The Turtles themselves appear to be based on the later comics, while Shredder and the Foot are more in line with their original appearances - or at least, they would be, if the Foot were the right colours, and Shredder's helmet didn't look so retarded. Seriously, Playmates, if you're going to Shredder and Oroku Saki styles for your figures - USE ALTERNATE HEADS! Splinter looks neat, but I couldn't tell you which comic style he takes after. He looks more like Old Toon Splinter, if anything. If Playmates keeps going, this might be a worthwhile continuation for the line for them. As a matter of fact, Playmates, why don't you just do a TMNT universe line, where you release new figures from every universe? You'll literally have people tripping over themselves to buy them; I guarantee it 100%!

Now let's move onto NECA's offerings. NECA released the original four Turtles that mirrored their appearances in the first TMNT comic, and lit the world on fire. Retailers sold out quickly and for a while, you couldn't even find them without sacrificing your genitalia. Publications - both online and in print - were heralding this line as a runner for new toy line of the year. The design was near flawless, and for once, we had Turtles with articulation that fit a ninja.

Then something happened... after showing a preview of their April O'Neil figure at New York Comic Con 2008 and ones of Shredder, Foot Ninja, and Elite Foot at San Diego Comic Con 2008... NECA unfortunately maintained a radio silence with the outside world regarding the figures... including with Mirage themselves. Fans... were... LIVID. For the longest time, it looked as if these amazing-looking figures were going to never be released. When Playmates' own Mirage-based figures were unveiled, blame was going around that since Playmates felt that Mirage went behind their backs to get the NECA figures made, Playmates responded with their own comic-based figures, and NECA, feeling bullied, refused to release any more figures.

Finally, this year, at ToyFair 2009, NECA brought the above figures again, and indicated that they almost certainly were coming out this year. Their official excuse on the delay? They needed support in the UK, since the previous wave hadn't sold well there. That's a pretty lame excuse, if you ask me. They even openly admitted that the TMNT aren't on the whole, as popular there as back here in The Colonies; in fact, I'm wholly convinced that's the reason Playmates' TMNT figures aren't heading to shelves in Europe this year. But still, that's the official word, and however crappy as it may be, we've got to unfortunately take it at face value and thank God that there's a 98% chance we'll get our hands on them. Let's hope that a third wave is released before I have grandchildren.

Now see, out of all of the TMNT merchandising, the toys are the ones I have closest kinship to. But with the advent of some really crappy figures and/or planning out there, it's hard to weed out the good stuff. I miss the simple days, when although there were dozens of dorky Turtle variants, there were also legions of mutants to collect. Hell, the old figures even had many cool variants for the Turtles' enemies and allies, which is something that has been in short supply following the 2003 revival.

If Playmates wants to keep at the TMNT game - which as I said before, is the major reason anybody even knows who they are - they've got to step up their game. Put some more articulation in those damn things. I'm no articulation Nazi, but for the love of Christ, they're NINJA! They should be able to move at least a bit more, be able to have many different posing options, and at least be able to stand easily without having to place their feet in a very specific position. Hell, there are some figures, like Agent Bishop, that make me sad with their very existence due to the fact that such nimble characters are permanently locked in one stiff position.

Second of all, model them after how they were represented in the media they come from. The consumer shouldn't be forced to take an X-Acto Knife, Dremel tool, nail file, and paints to their action figures just to make them look right. It's maddening! Customizing action figures should be a hobby, not a necessity!

If you're looking for another toy line to model how you pad the TMNT line's cast, Playmates, look no further than Hasbro's Star Wars line. Not only do they have many different interesting variants of their central characters, without resulting to something as flat-out retarded as DJ Obi-Wan or Birthday Clown Luke, but they make figures for practically every character from every form of media. Many different generic soldier variants exist, and even a guy who is in one scene of one film for 3/13ths of a second and is only visible from the shoulders up in the back of a crowd shot has a chance of becoming a figure! But important characters from the series' past such as Lord Dregg, Ultimate Drako, Jagwar, Master Khan, and scads more, have been left in the dust. And for Heaven's sakes, Hasbro's CEO was named CEO of the year for 2008 by MarketWatch, because of the following:

How much do you consider the opinions of hardcore fans of the franchise when making decisions for the films?
GOLDNER: The hardcore fans are an integral part of the thought process. ...

Was there any particular fan feedback on the first "Transformers" that you took into account for the sequel?
GOLDNER: ... So what we did is, we focused in on some of those things that the fans told us from a very early stage that they wanted to see in the next movie...

But you guys are paying attention.
GOLDNER: Constantly. And I think what's great about our creative teams, our filmmaking teams is, they get it. They absolutely understand how to strike that balance, and they want to strike that balance and understand the core fan feedback. Because at the very heart, that's the thread that will hold the franchise together forever, if you'll honor that. And then of course, they also are great filmmakers and in their own right they also have the ability to reinvent the brand in a completely unexpected way.

That's right, they LISTEN to their fans. They don't set some braindead scab on customer service e-mail duty with robotic responses that don't equate to fans' concerns. They do this thing that more businesses should do, call "giving a crap". I'm not making Hasbro to be the second coming of Jesus in toy company form, especially since I don't even buy any of their product (other than Star Wars figures for my pops as gifts), but it seems they've got their act together! Don't listen to some tired old man's opinion of how a toy will sell because it's got "play value" - which includes attaching a weapon to a musical instrument. Listen to the people that are actually buying your product!


Another point I'd like to make, and this one to both Playmates and NECA, is that you need to start making Army Builder packs. Many of us like collecting the Foot Soldiers, Utroms, Triceratons, Turtlebots, and so forth en masse to indicate armies of these generic warriors. It can be an utter pain in the ass to track down enough of these to build an army with. Throw three in a window box with one accessory a piece, charge 2.5 times what you would for a standard figure, and you're golden!

That's enough ranting for one day... I've got work to finish up. I'll be back tomorrow with... something... cartoons, maybe. Peace with a feast in the Middle East, my brothas and sistas!

Sources:
Pictures: TMNT Official Website, Big Bad Toy Store, Toy News International, myself.
Hasbro CEO Excerpt: Roseangelo/Toyfare

25 Years of TMNT... Makes Me Sad - Day 2

Today, we'll take a look at the buggery brought forth by the house responsible for the TMNT, Mirage Studios. While I am eternally grateful for the minds and pens of Mirage for creating the Turtles and thus helping shape my life, I can't help but find fault with some of the ways business has been conducted there over the last few years.

A major lightning rod of hate in this matter is CEO Gary Richardson. I've read accounts - some firsthand - of shrewd business practices he's employed. While I'm far from a business expert, I have had some teaching in marketing and business structure, and some of the things he's done have stuck out like a sore thumb. His modus operandi seems to be hoarding cash to himself, and it's a fair assessment that he has never heard of the business model of "spending money to make money." There have been so many worthwhile projects that have been shipwrecked just because Mr. Richardson has chosen to line his own pockets with the dough that would have funded said projects. For example, Archie Comics wished to send Mirage the original art for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures comic series. All Mirage had to do was pay for the shipping. Gary nixed it, Archie destroyed the originals. A similar deal happened with Image. Mirage was going to reprint Volume 3 of the comic, which was run under Image's banner, in a trade paperback. Image just wanted a (as I hear, modest) fee for use of their characters and story. Obviously, paying for something in order to get what they want is out of the question, so that TPB was canceled.

Now, it isn't just these projects that are affected by Gary's decisions. From artist/writer Jim Lawson's weblog:

Yesterday the artists here were contacted by Gary on behalf of 4kids. 4kids is putting together a 25th anniversary animation special about the Turtles and they were wanting submissions from all the associated artists. This is the piece I did for that purpose.
I had to smile at the similarity to the recent Nobody cover. It seems when I get a composition in my head, I'll sometimes reuse it several times. Notice also, a few shared design elements.

Please allow me to rant a little here. This was done as a freebie. In this year, when Mirage is paying 7 figures to a company to advertise and promote the Turtles anniversary, I find it vaguely insulting that we, the artists of Mirage, are expected to do this stuff without pay. Why is this? I want to know, who else is working for free? What is it about artists, that the work they do, has a stigma of having no value? I'm not sure why this is- perhaps drawing is thought of as common, or they see it as being effortless. That Mirage itself has participated in this attitude, I find somewhat sad and more than a little ironic.

Now excuse me for a moment... the artists were refused pay for this? What sort of madness is it? As Mr. Lawson alludes to, Mirage is paying a cool million to the dunderheads at Peppercom to basically blunder their way through promotion, and they can't even make sure their own employees have bread on the table. It gets worse, though. As a comment on the same 'blog entry, writer Steve Murphy replied as such:

A million dollars to promote the anniversary... and last week we almost lost our life and disability insurance (thank goodness for technicalities) in order to save the company $9,500. per year.

That comment was later removed by an "administrator"... but we all know nothing is really gone, on the Internet... those haunting words live on. Really, how can you function as a company if you throw your employees to the curb. Richardson and Laird may not depend on the comics for income, but their writers and artists do. It's the same thing with insurance... how can you just out-and-out pull the rug out from underneath them?

Now, Mirage is a comics company. They also have done the licensing side of things since breaking off their partnership with Surge Licensing years back. But the primary reason for existence is for making comics. Now why would a comics company refuse to sell their books like everyone else does? By which, I mean that they use very little-to-no external advertising (thus resulting in low sales numbers), and refuse to sell outside of comic shops. Their excuse for selling only in comic shops is that they don't want to have to "deal with the returns", in other words, all of the issues that are shipped back to them because they don't sell. Again, a little bit of awareness is key to selling issues. Peppercom is doing this to an extent on the 25th anniversary site, and it's one of the few things that I think they're doing right, but it's pretty limited, seeing as how it's on one website that is hardly advertised in and of itself.

Now, Peter Laird is a man I have mixed feelings about. As he is the co-creator of the franchise, I feel incredibly indebted to him. And there are some great things he does still to this day that I like. However, I feel that his heart just isn't into the Turtles anymore, and he basically says 'whatever' to anything that comes to him regarding the license. I'm willing to bet that he lets Gary have free reign with whatever he wants just because he doesn't want to deal with it. Even on his own weblog, he seems to detail that he'd rather be riding his motorcycle or Segway than working - and that he sees working in the TMNT Empire as an obligation rather than an opportunity.

Laird's disinterest is extended in the comics themselves. He was working on the standard TMNT comic line, writing it while Lawson illustrated. In late 2006, Laird indicated he was taking some time off to catch up with other things with the franchise such as dealing with the 2007 movie, and would be returning to the comic after the movie's release. He returned in mid 2008 with a single issue. The issue was not sold in comic stores at all, but was instead available for free on the official site or a site called Wowio. If you wanted a legitimate, printed copy, Mirage had printed up a limited number of them for sale directly from them - only these copies cost $10 a piece. Lawson claimed that all of his work was done on issue 30 (the next one to come out) and he was already dealing with issue 31; it's just Laird's work that is holding the issue back.

Speaking of Lawson, Mirage seems to be fond of overworking him. Now, I personally am a fan of Lawson's earlier work, which caused the comic to carry a gritty, underground comic visage (as it should have), but some of the stuff he does today isn't half bad. Everything he does these days looks too geometric (a non-TMNT fanatic review of his recent work nicknamed him Jim "I Like To Draw Squares" Lawson), but it only looks terrible if he's being stretched too thin - for example, at different points, he was illustrating for three series (TMNT, Tales of the TMNT, and a Turtle-focused mini-series) simultaneously. This causes his work to go from "decent" to "I don't know what the Hell I'm looking at".

Tales of the TMNT is supposed to be showcasing not only stories from different points in the Turtles' lives, but also a veritable smörgåsbord of talent from up-and-coming writers and artists. However, by slapping Lawson into every other issue (or even, every so often, several issues in a row), they're bleeding him dry, as well as causing the series to get a tad bland. I've also seen instances in which, after the writer has showcased their idea on their blog, their submission for a story was rejected outright, and their story was good, very good - much better than some of the current stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love most of Tales, but there's some uninteresting drivel such as Circle of Darkness, Rocks, and Mined Games. True, this is subjective, but I've read work by Tristan Jones, Will Tupper, and Andrew Modeen that were rejected that were undeniably more whizz-bang and attention grabbing.

While we're on the subject of of rejected stories from Tristan Jones, he presented this beauty of a pitch for the TMNT Free Comic Book Day issue in May:

We open in another dimension (Caption: NOT Dimension X…), where the two massive brutes are being pursued by authorities in an intense car/other-dimensional-vehicle chase! Suddenly, a vortex starts opening in midair just ahead of them…

Cut to our world, where a Foot Mystic and a band of renegade Foot ninjas are trying to open up a portal to the Netherworld (to summon a demon to help them against the Turtles). Unfortunately, the mystic has misinterpreted one of the symbols in the spell used to open the portal correctly. A portal opens, but when the vehicle Bebop and Rocksteady had hi-jacked comes thundering out and pastes the mystic, it becomes very clear that it’s not the right one!

The rest of the Foot renegades scatter and Bebop and Rocksteady check out this strange new world they’ve stumbled into. They are massive too, at least twice the size of Leatherhead. A registered, costumed superhero flies down to try and stop the duo, but they pulverize him (in a comically brutal way, not to death, but there’s no way a normal human would be able to take it).

Cut to the Turtles’ lair, where Raph, Don and Mike are watching late night television (Leo is reading something). A sudden live news broadcast interrupts and reveals that Bebop and Rocksteady are tearing up midtown as police try and take them down.

After getting a call from April (who’s been caught in the midst of the carnage), they spring into action (they would be disguised somehow, either in gear similar to #36, or civilian clothing – long coats, etc.).

They pluck April out of the danger zone and get her to safety without being noticed, everyone seems too freaked out by the massive duo to care.
Mike notices that Karai and a band of her best warriors are on a nearby rooftop. They join her to try and find out what’s going on, and Karai reveals that a rogue mystic had recently stolen a tome from their archives containing spells/rituals that could supposedly open pathways to parallel dimensions. However, without the book they have no idea what spell/ritual was used, or how to send the two creatures back to where they came from. Don and Karai discuss their options and agree to try and come up with something together, but it means that Mike, Leo and Raph, along with the Foot warriors, will have to try and keep the dimension-hopping duo occupied.

As Mike, Leo and Raph fight Rocksteady and Bebop (taking a number of jabs at the old cartoon along the way), Karai and Don manage to put together a trans-dimensional portal using Leatherhead’s makeshift transmat device and various other bits and pieces Don has accumulated over the years. By channelling the mystic energies of a similar spell through the device, they are able to open a wormhole to another dimension (though not necessarily the one they came from).

The group lures Rocksteady and Bebop to the area above Leatherhead’s old lair (where the portal will open), but the two brutes realise they’re being herded towards a trap and start playing dirty. Don and Karai can only keep the portal open for a small amount of time, and with the brutes wise to the trap, the portal overloads the device that opened it.

At a loss for what to do, Mike suggests they call Renet, but none have any idea how to do that – considering she’s just appeared every time they’ve needed her. However, true to form, she does appear, having sensed a disturbingly large tremor in the space-time continuum. The guys fill her in, and Renet floats up towards Bebop and Rocksteady. She begins channeling her energies, chanting (similar to good ol’ Doctor Strange), but suddenly – WHAM! One of the monsters punches her into a building, sending the sceptre scattering off into an alley.

Don rushes to her aide while Raph, Leo, Mike and the Foot launch another assault on the pair. When it looks as though all is lost, Splinter suddenly arrives on the scene, standing quietly between the battle-weary warriors and the battle-ready monsters. The Turtles freak out, thinking Splinter has finally gone insane, and Bebop and Rocksteady find the situation hilarious. But Splinter has Renet’s sceptre!

Splinter mumbles something and suddenly the two are sucked into the sceptre itself!

With the city saved, Don returns with Renet. Karai tells them that she will help provide the funds to repair the damages caused in the chaos. (If you like the alternate ending, Mike could ask where Splinter sent them).

The turtles return home with their master, exhausted.

ALTERNATE ENDING (one final jab at the old cartoon):
We cut to find that Rocksteady and Bebop have been transported to a dusty, arid dimension, somewhat similar to the surface of Mars. They have been secured by hi-tech restraints and are being marched towards a gigantic construct by hulking soldiers who look similar to The Thing. They stop at the base of the construct, just in front of what appears to be large boarding ramp. “New prisoners for you my lord! We found them inside the forbidden zone.”
Bebop and Rocksteady look up, and we see a grotesquely obese Utrom, sitting in the torso cavity of a massive exosuit (think Obediah Stane’s “Iron Monger” suit compared to Tony Stark’s Iron Man suit). The Utrom grins: “Excellent!”

We zoom out for the final panel, revealing that the construct is disturbingly similar to a certain subterranean construct made famous by the old TMNT cartoons..

Since this is the Turtles' 25th anniversary, you'd think that this would be a great way of celebrating some of the franchise's lore, right? Unfortunately, it was passed on, to make way for... another reprint of TMNT #1. There's already something like four other ones coming out this year... sigh....

Needless to say, there's not a lot of bright spots on the horizon in the comics. Archie is re-releasing the TMNT Adventures mini-series in a trade with a boss new cover. Mirage is doling out a few trades - although, unfortunately, some of the most frequently requested (City At War, Volume 2, Volume 4) don't seem to be on the books. There are a lot more stories by the dynamic tag team of Tristan Jones and Paul Harmon - although that's not necessarily a 25th anniversary thing. And Mirage is slated to release a Mirage TMNT Universe character/canon guide in August. This is the item I'm most excited about, as it's something I've been wanting forever. It's a shame that it was delayed from December, but when it finally rolls around, it will be well worth it.

Dark days still lie ahead, my friends, as there is no confirmation that Tales of the TMNT will continue past 2009, and Christ is likely to show up for the Judgment before Laird finishes work on the next issue of Volume 4.

Keep it real, folks. Tomorrow, I'll bitch about the toys. Later.

25 Years of TMNT... Makes Me Sad - Day 1

2009 is the twenty-fifth anniversary of many different franchises, but most notably, at least to me, is that of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I guess you could consider me a TMNT fanatic - along with Bruce Lee, the TMNT are the reason I have interest in the martial arts. I also learned many life lessons from the original cartoon from the 1980s and '90's. So on the silver anniversary of the franchise, you would expect to see much elation, correct?

Unfortunately, this does not seem to be entirely the case. Although there are a few cool items and events in the pipeline for the good guys who always 'wear' green, a lot of it is complete and utter rubbish. As a matter of fact, there is evidence that the franchise as a whole is spinning around in a toilet right now.

Over the next few entries, I will detail the atrocities that will befall everyone's favourite anthropomorphic superhero team, as well as touch upon the things that I actually think are neat. It's just my little way of venting that the series that I've supported for pretty close to my entire life has kicked me in the metaphorical gonads.

Today's entry will deal with the least important transgression; Peppercom.

Peppercom is a Public Relations firm located primarily in New York. As a pitch ad for a chance to assist in the promotion of the 25th anniversary of TMNT, they created this intelligence rape:



Fortunately, while you can watch it, you can't hear it. Why? Because Youtube disabled the sound.

"This video contains an audio track that has not been authorized by WMG. The audio has been disabled."

That's right - they didn't even get permission to use the music from the original cartoon show in their pitch proposal. Now granted, this is pretty much more corporate copyright Nazi behaviour that is rampant throughout Youtube, but you'd think that someone who is officially doing work for Mirage would actually get permission, y'think?

But that isn't the point. The audio snafu is just something I came across today. What the point is, how mind-numbling stupid their "silly" proposal is. For one thing, this is a professional business. When you're trying to entice other businesses to utilize your services, you don't slap together some Godawful little video. It's so blatantly goofy that even the Turtles at their wackiest would commit seppuku in shame if they saw this. Furthermore, the production values are worse than a clip from a high school film class.

It's unfortunately not even just the TMNT video that fails. I've researched quite a few of their "promotional" videos, and every one of them stinks like a sweaty buttcrack. I couldn't even finish watching their psuedo-"attack" video; I was beginning to feel as if I was going to see my dinner again... all over my keyboard.

The 25th anniversary site they designed is just as laughable. It looks like it was handled by someone with rudimentary knowledge of HTML and Flash, and isn't even comprehensive. There are a lot important events that are left out of their timeline, and some of the Mirage Studios history is blatantly incorrect, for example. However, the site is starting to build some more interesting content, such as commercials for the old TMNT toys.

Possibly the most mindboggling effect of this is how the devil Mirage was won over by these yahoos. My guess is that it has to do with something that I'm going to elaborate on at a later date.

As I said before, this is but a minor violation. Hiring Peppercom is far from the least infuriating occurance to taint the brand this year. Keep your eyes posted here for more rants.

Watch me beat myself up

Technology scares me....