Freakin' Sweet

To prove I'm not all doom and gloom, I've decided to start a counterpoint counterpart to the "What Really Grinds My Gears" segments. It's titled "Freakin' Sweet", and details things I like.

If you haven't realized how big of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fan I am, you are obviously not paying close enough attention. Back in the late 1980's, my father worked a lot, and at bizarre hours. I vaguely remember those days, but I do recall that he'd sleep all day and I'd rarely see him. When we did spend time together, it was normally to watch martial arts films, particularly those of Bruce Lee.

So when I saw that there was this new cartoon coming on with ninja in it, that had anthropomorphic animals as the heroes, I was excited. While the fact was that the show ended up being more slapstick than hardcore grappling and bone breaks, this did not deter me from falling completely in love with this show.

As my father was rarely present during these years, I somehow found a surrogate father and male role model in this program; that of the Turtles' sensei and father, Master Splinter. A ninjutsu master transformed into a ratman by his arch-nemesis (at least in this continuity), Splinter was wise, honorable, compassionate, and overall, he kicked major gluteus maximus!

Since Splinter was ostensibly my father figure, I began to see his sons, the Turtles, as my brothers. This regard was helped by the fact that at this time, I had no siblings. Throughout my years, I began to see how viewing this madcap gang of mutants as a second family actually helped shape my personality: the wisdom of Splinter, leadership of Leonardo, technological affinity of Donatello, easygoing attitude of Michelangelo, and, although it rarely flares, the temper of Raphael. All traits that I can attribute to these Turtles and their adoptive father.

Other than introducing me to the world of martial arts that lead me to finding and growing fond of the Turtles, my father was also the catalyst of my massive TMNT action figure collection.

Sometime in 1989, my family went on vacation to visit friends. My mother had failed to pack any playthings to keep me occupied (I cannot recall just why this was), so she had my father stop at the local Fred Meyer and get a toy for me (amongst other things). My father, not quite knowing a lot about what I was into other than dinosaurs and Bruce Lee flicks, saw the word "ninja" on a toy, and thought I'd like it. When he returned to the car with this figure in hand, I swear I could see my own eyes light up.



Behold, Rock N' Roll Michaelangelo, my very first TMNT figure - the first of many (though this obviously is not a photo of my figure :p ). This figure is still in my collection to this very day, and although fairly common, old and playworn, it is still one of my most prized figures - compare it, I suppose, to Scrooge McDuck's lucky #1 dime.

The origins of the Turtles actually precede my own. As the legend goes, in 1983, to friends, Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman, sat around eating pizza and watching "bad tv". Eastman had sketched a squat, anthropomorphic turtle with an eyemask and nunchaku strapped to its forearms. The two of them decided to run with this concept, creating four such beings, and using a tax refund as well as a loan from Eastman's uncle, they self-published their first book, titled "Eastman and Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles".

The comic was intended to be a one-shot issue, parodying popular comics of the day such as Daredevil and Frank Miller's Ronin. The comic, in contrast to the franchise's now-better known kid oriented material, was quite dark and gritty, a tale of revenge and murder with art that fit an underground comic. Eastman and Laird were surprised, however, when positive response for the comic was overwhelming - at least as much as possible for an independent book published with limited release and budget. Later that year the duo published a second issue, and from there, the series really took off. Before long, Eastman and Laird were discussing a cartoon show and action figures with Surge Licensing, and the rest is history. Well, this has all been history, but that's just a saying. Come to think of it, it's a very strange saying... bah... I'm going on a tangent.

Now here we are, 25 years from the first issue's release. As detailed in previous entries, I do have misgivings about what seems to be a misfire in a "shell-abration" (I hate that overused pun), but there are things that are looking quite gravy this year. Of especial note is that there are at least two TMNT video games coming out in 2009. The first of which is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Smash-Up, a four-player platforming versus fighter by the guys that made Super Smash Bros. Brawl and former Team Ninja members (responsible for Ninja Gaiden and Dead or Alive). As of this writing, only the four Turtles and Splinter are confirmed as playable, but publisher Ubisoft promises "many surprises" in the roster, including ones that "the older fans" would enjoy. Here's to hoping that what they choose is satisfying....

The other game slated to release this year, on Xbox 360's "LIVE Arcade" service, and possibly Wii, is a remake of the classic game Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, with 3D graphics. This game has actually, as of this time, still not been announced by Ubisoft, but was seen in playable demo form during some of the 25th anniversary festivities. The game seems to be based on the arcade version, as the Shredder masthead and Tokka as a boss in Skull & Crossbones would indicate.



Man... I can't tell if it's the game footage or the chicken fried rice that's making me salivate....

Anyway, even with things looking sort of bleak for the comic (if sales don't pick up by the year's end, it may go bye-bye), I'm going to still support the Turtles through everything. Hey, there's also a new movie coming in 2011, which will be here before we know it. Epic!

25 Years of TMNT... Makes Me Sad - Day 2

Today, we'll take a look at the buggery brought forth by the house responsible for the TMNT, Mirage Studios. While I am eternally grateful for the minds and pens of Mirage for creating the Turtles and thus helping shape my life, I can't help but find fault with some of the ways business has been conducted there over the last few years.

A major lightning rod of hate in this matter is CEO Gary Richardson. I've read accounts - some firsthand - of shrewd business practices he's employed. While I'm far from a business expert, I have had some teaching in marketing and business structure, and some of the things he's done have stuck out like a sore thumb. His modus operandi seems to be hoarding cash to himself, and it's a fair assessment that he has never heard of the business model of "spending money to make money." There have been so many worthwhile projects that have been shipwrecked just because Mr. Richardson has chosen to line his own pockets with the dough that would have funded said projects. For example, Archie Comics wished to send Mirage the original art for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures comic series. All Mirage had to do was pay for the shipping. Gary nixed it, Archie destroyed the originals. A similar deal happened with Image. Mirage was going to reprint Volume 3 of the comic, which was run under Image's banner, in a trade paperback. Image just wanted a (as I hear, modest) fee for use of their characters and story. Obviously, paying for something in order to get what they want is out of the question, so that TPB was canceled.

Now, it isn't just these projects that are affected by Gary's decisions. From artist/writer Jim Lawson's weblog:

Yesterday the artists here were contacted by Gary on behalf of 4kids. 4kids is putting together a 25th anniversary animation special about the Turtles and they were wanting submissions from all the associated artists. This is the piece I did for that purpose.
I had to smile at the similarity to the recent Nobody cover. It seems when I get a composition in my head, I'll sometimes reuse it several times. Notice also, a few shared design elements.

Please allow me to rant a little here. This was done as a freebie. In this year, when Mirage is paying 7 figures to a company to advertise and promote the Turtles anniversary, I find it vaguely insulting that we, the artists of Mirage, are expected to do this stuff without pay. Why is this? I want to know, who else is working for free? What is it about artists, that the work they do, has a stigma of having no value? I'm not sure why this is- perhaps drawing is thought of as common, or they see it as being effortless. That Mirage itself has participated in this attitude, I find somewhat sad and more than a little ironic.

Now excuse me for a moment... the artists were refused pay for this? What sort of madness is it? As Mr. Lawson alludes to, Mirage is paying a cool million to the dunderheads at Peppercom to basically blunder their way through promotion, and they can't even make sure their own employees have bread on the table. It gets worse, though. As a comment on the same 'blog entry, writer Steve Murphy replied as such:

A million dollars to promote the anniversary... and last week we almost lost our life and disability insurance (thank goodness for technicalities) in order to save the company $9,500. per year.

That comment was later removed by an "administrator"... but we all know nothing is really gone, on the Internet... those haunting words live on. Really, how can you function as a company if you throw your employees to the curb. Richardson and Laird may not depend on the comics for income, but their writers and artists do. It's the same thing with insurance... how can you just out-and-out pull the rug out from underneath them?

Now, Mirage is a comics company. They also have done the licensing side of things since breaking off their partnership with Surge Licensing years back. But the primary reason for existence is for making comics. Now why would a comics company refuse to sell their books like everyone else does? By which, I mean that they use very little-to-no external advertising (thus resulting in low sales numbers), and refuse to sell outside of comic shops. Their excuse for selling only in comic shops is that they don't want to have to "deal with the returns", in other words, all of the issues that are shipped back to them because they don't sell. Again, a little bit of awareness is key to selling issues. Peppercom is doing this to an extent on the 25th anniversary site, and it's one of the few things that I think they're doing right, but it's pretty limited, seeing as how it's on one website that is hardly advertised in and of itself.

Now, Peter Laird is a man I have mixed feelings about. As he is the co-creator of the franchise, I feel incredibly indebted to him. And there are some great things he does still to this day that I like. However, I feel that his heart just isn't into the Turtles anymore, and he basically says 'whatever' to anything that comes to him regarding the license. I'm willing to bet that he lets Gary have free reign with whatever he wants just because he doesn't want to deal with it. Even on his own weblog, he seems to detail that he'd rather be riding his motorcycle or Segway than working - and that he sees working in the TMNT Empire as an obligation rather than an opportunity.

Laird's disinterest is extended in the comics themselves. He was working on the standard TMNT comic line, writing it while Lawson illustrated. In late 2006, Laird indicated he was taking some time off to catch up with other things with the franchise such as dealing with the 2007 movie, and would be returning to the comic after the movie's release. He returned in mid 2008 with a single issue. The issue was not sold in comic stores at all, but was instead available for free on the official site or a site called Wowio. If you wanted a legitimate, printed copy, Mirage had printed up a limited number of them for sale directly from them - only these copies cost $10 a piece. Lawson claimed that all of his work was done on issue 30 (the next one to come out) and he was already dealing with issue 31; it's just Laird's work that is holding the issue back.

Speaking of Lawson, Mirage seems to be fond of overworking him. Now, I personally am a fan of Lawson's earlier work, which caused the comic to carry a gritty, underground comic visage (as it should have), but some of the stuff he does today isn't half bad. Everything he does these days looks too geometric (a non-TMNT fanatic review of his recent work nicknamed him Jim "I Like To Draw Squares" Lawson), but it only looks terrible if he's being stretched too thin - for example, at different points, he was illustrating for three series (TMNT, Tales of the TMNT, and a Turtle-focused mini-series) simultaneously. This causes his work to go from "decent" to "I don't know what the Hell I'm looking at".

Tales of the TMNT is supposed to be showcasing not only stories from different points in the Turtles' lives, but also a veritable smörgåsbord of talent from up-and-coming writers and artists. However, by slapping Lawson into every other issue (or even, every so often, several issues in a row), they're bleeding him dry, as well as causing the series to get a tad bland. I've also seen instances in which, after the writer has showcased their idea on their blog, their submission for a story was rejected outright, and their story was good, very good - much better than some of the current stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love most of Tales, but there's some uninteresting drivel such as Circle of Darkness, Rocks, and Mined Games. True, this is subjective, but I've read work by Tristan Jones, Will Tupper, and Andrew Modeen that were rejected that were undeniably more whizz-bang and attention grabbing.

While we're on the subject of of rejected stories from Tristan Jones, he presented this beauty of a pitch for the TMNT Free Comic Book Day issue in May:

We open in another dimension (Caption: NOT Dimension X…), where the two massive brutes are being pursued by authorities in an intense car/other-dimensional-vehicle chase! Suddenly, a vortex starts opening in midair just ahead of them…

Cut to our world, where a Foot Mystic and a band of renegade Foot ninjas are trying to open up a portal to the Netherworld (to summon a demon to help them against the Turtles). Unfortunately, the mystic has misinterpreted one of the symbols in the spell used to open the portal correctly. A portal opens, but when the vehicle Bebop and Rocksteady had hi-jacked comes thundering out and pastes the mystic, it becomes very clear that it’s not the right one!

The rest of the Foot renegades scatter and Bebop and Rocksteady check out this strange new world they’ve stumbled into. They are massive too, at least twice the size of Leatherhead. A registered, costumed superhero flies down to try and stop the duo, but they pulverize him (in a comically brutal way, not to death, but there’s no way a normal human would be able to take it).

Cut to the Turtles’ lair, where Raph, Don and Mike are watching late night television (Leo is reading something). A sudden live news broadcast interrupts and reveals that Bebop and Rocksteady are tearing up midtown as police try and take them down.

After getting a call from April (who’s been caught in the midst of the carnage), they spring into action (they would be disguised somehow, either in gear similar to #36, or civilian clothing – long coats, etc.).

They pluck April out of the danger zone and get her to safety without being noticed, everyone seems too freaked out by the massive duo to care.
Mike notices that Karai and a band of her best warriors are on a nearby rooftop. They join her to try and find out what’s going on, and Karai reveals that a rogue mystic had recently stolen a tome from their archives containing spells/rituals that could supposedly open pathways to parallel dimensions. However, without the book they have no idea what spell/ritual was used, or how to send the two creatures back to where they came from. Don and Karai discuss their options and agree to try and come up with something together, but it means that Mike, Leo and Raph, along with the Foot warriors, will have to try and keep the dimension-hopping duo occupied.

As Mike, Leo and Raph fight Rocksteady and Bebop (taking a number of jabs at the old cartoon along the way), Karai and Don manage to put together a trans-dimensional portal using Leatherhead’s makeshift transmat device and various other bits and pieces Don has accumulated over the years. By channelling the mystic energies of a similar spell through the device, they are able to open a wormhole to another dimension (though not necessarily the one they came from).

The group lures Rocksteady and Bebop to the area above Leatherhead’s old lair (where the portal will open), but the two brutes realise they’re being herded towards a trap and start playing dirty. Don and Karai can only keep the portal open for a small amount of time, and with the brutes wise to the trap, the portal overloads the device that opened it.

At a loss for what to do, Mike suggests they call Renet, but none have any idea how to do that – considering she’s just appeared every time they’ve needed her. However, true to form, she does appear, having sensed a disturbingly large tremor in the space-time continuum. The guys fill her in, and Renet floats up towards Bebop and Rocksteady. She begins channeling her energies, chanting (similar to good ol’ Doctor Strange), but suddenly – WHAM! One of the monsters punches her into a building, sending the sceptre scattering off into an alley.

Don rushes to her aide while Raph, Leo, Mike and the Foot launch another assault on the pair. When it looks as though all is lost, Splinter suddenly arrives on the scene, standing quietly between the battle-weary warriors and the battle-ready monsters. The Turtles freak out, thinking Splinter has finally gone insane, and Bebop and Rocksteady find the situation hilarious. But Splinter has Renet’s sceptre!

Splinter mumbles something and suddenly the two are sucked into the sceptre itself!

With the city saved, Don returns with Renet. Karai tells them that she will help provide the funds to repair the damages caused in the chaos. (If you like the alternate ending, Mike could ask where Splinter sent them).

The turtles return home with their master, exhausted.

ALTERNATE ENDING (one final jab at the old cartoon):
We cut to find that Rocksteady and Bebop have been transported to a dusty, arid dimension, somewhat similar to the surface of Mars. They have been secured by hi-tech restraints and are being marched towards a gigantic construct by hulking soldiers who look similar to The Thing. They stop at the base of the construct, just in front of what appears to be large boarding ramp. “New prisoners for you my lord! We found them inside the forbidden zone.”
Bebop and Rocksteady look up, and we see a grotesquely obese Utrom, sitting in the torso cavity of a massive exosuit (think Obediah Stane’s “Iron Monger” suit compared to Tony Stark’s Iron Man suit). The Utrom grins: “Excellent!”

We zoom out for the final panel, revealing that the construct is disturbingly similar to a certain subterranean construct made famous by the old TMNT cartoons..

Since this is the Turtles' 25th anniversary, you'd think that this would be a great way of celebrating some of the franchise's lore, right? Unfortunately, it was passed on, to make way for... another reprint of TMNT #1. There's already something like four other ones coming out this year... sigh....

Needless to say, there's not a lot of bright spots on the horizon in the comics. Archie is re-releasing the TMNT Adventures mini-series in a trade with a boss new cover. Mirage is doling out a few trades - although, unfortunately, some of the most frequently requested (City At War, Volume 2, Volume 4) don't seem to be on the books. There are a lot more stories by the dynamic tag team of Tristan Jones and Paul Harmon - although that's not necessarily a 25th anniversary thing. And Mirage is slated to release a Mirage TMNT Universe character/canon guide in August. This is the item I'm most excited about, as it's something I've been wanting forever. It's a shame that it was delayed from December, but when it finally rolls around, it will be well worth it.

Dark days still lie ahead, my friends, as there is no confirmation that Tales of the TMNT will continue past 2009, and Christ is likely to show up for the Judgment before Laird finishes work on the next issue of Volume 4.

Keep it real, folks. Tomorrow, I'll bitch about the toys. Later.