The Future of Marvel Universe figures

Looking back at the rundown of figures I'd like to see back in July (holy crap, has it really been that long?), I've seen some new upcoming figures from Hasbro, some of which fit the bill of what I was looking for. Let's see what we've got:

As noted shortly after my last post, there's a first appearance Wolverine coming out. Nice indeed.




These First Class Cyclops and Marvel Girl aren't exactly first appearance accurate, but they're close enough. I'll take 'em. Now I just hope for the remaining three members.

We're finally getting a Sue Storm figure, in a Fantastic Four team pack with Ben, Reed, and H.E.R.B.I.E. (replacing Johnny just as he did in the classic cartoon). I can live with that.

Finally, we have a Falcon figure, with, of course, Redwing. Could the other Pet Avengers be far behind?

All images courtesy of toyark.com

Marvel Universe figures I'd like to see

A while back, despite not being a fan of 3.75 inch figures on the whole, I got into collecting the Marvel and DC lines of figures (Marvel Universe and DC Universe: Infinite Heroes, respectively). Although my collection started out slowly due to the figures being so bleedin' expensive for that scale ($7-10, which is the same price range that the larger versions of those figures were going for just before these lines hit), eventually I started finding some on sale and clearance, as well as a few cheap ones on Amazon and eBay, and now altogether, between the two, I probably have around thirty figures, including a much larger Skrull Giant Man. Most of these are Marvel figures, as the DC figures are rarely on sale and the local stores don't have as enticing of a selection as they do of Marvel.

Recently, whilst setting up my newest batch on a shelf, I began to ponder which figures I'd like to have in my collection that hadn't been made already. Thus, this list. Some of the figures might make more sense in other Marvel 3.75 lines (and in fact, I actually suggest a subline by itself in the list), but for simplicity sake, I've lumped them all together. By the way, if any reps from Hasbro happen to come across this and decide to crib some ideas from here, I won't raise a fuss ;)

So, without further ado, in now particular order, I present the list!

The Deadpool Corps
It's no secret that Deadpool is one of Marvel's most popular characters right now, what with his appearing in a dozen titles a month (a feat that he actually mocked Wolverine for), plus appearances in several modern Marvel video games, the Hulk vs. Wolverine animated film, and a role in X-Men Origins: Wolverine that has led to his own spin-off. Being an overly violent character who is also insane, funny, and is a frequent breaker of the fourth wall, it's easy to see why he's so well-liked.

Deadpool himself started out as a semi-parody of DC's Deathstroke the Terminator. Likewise, when he was given his own team to lead (The Deadpool Corps), its existence became a pastiche of different superhero teams, most notably DC's Green Lantern Corps. Interestingly enough, Ryan Reynolds, who portrayed Deadpool in the Wolverine movie and is set to reprise the role in his own film, is also playing as Green Lantern in a film.

The roots of The Deadpool Corps. has its roots in a mini-series called Deadpool: Merc With a Mouth. The disembodied head of the zombie Deadpool (from the Marvel Zombies universe) landed in the standard Marvel universe (henceforth to be referred to as Earth-616), and was being worshiped in the Savage Land. Deadpool was sent to retrieve the head, as it was being treated as a biological weapon (due to its zombifying bite). Through a series of crossing dimensions to attempt to return the head to its own world, Deadpool came across several alternate dimension versions of himself, including an army major (working for the "United States of Canada"), Wild West gunslinger, and a distaff counterpart.

Later, due to an intergalactic crisis, Deadpool was recruited to form a team. Crossing dimensions again, he picked up the female version of himself ("Lady Deadpool"), a child version ("Kidpool"), a canine counterpart ("Dogpool"), and the disembodied zombie head ("Headpool").

There are a couple of different ways that I can think of that would be handy in the release of The Deadpool Corps as action figures. One method would be to collect all five in one box set; alternatively, they could be released in the original line, with smaller members accompanying the larger: Deadpool could come with Dogpool, Lady Deadpool and Kidpool would be together, and then maybe Zombie Deadpool would be his own figure, but with a detachable head and a beanie accessory.

The Pet Avengers
Sort of a modern-day Marvel version of the Legion of Super-Pets, the Pet Avengers are a whimsical super hero team composed of the animal sidekicks of known heroes and other Marvel animal characters. Hasbro might actually be edging toward this release, as the last two waves have included Lockheed with Kitty Pryde, and Ms. Lion with Mary Jane. In the future, I'd like to see combo releases of Falcon/Redwing, Speedball/Hairball, Ka-Zar/Zabu, Thor/Throg, and either Black Bolt/Lockjaw or (since Lockjaw is so large), Lockjaw/Puppy.

Squirrel Girl
My second favorite Marvel character (after Deadpool), Squirrel Girl is an innocent-looking, happy-go lucky throwback to the golden age of comics. She also occasionally breaks the fourth wall, and although her perceived abilities are lame on first glance (talking to squirrels, retractable little knuckle claws, and a prehensile tail - she's been able to beat some of the mightiest villains in the Marvel universe. This makes her undeniably badass. She would obviously come with several of her squirrel sidekicks.

Hulked-Out Heroes
During the World War Hulks storyarc (or maybe it was Fall of the Hulks... I dunno), many prominent heroes became irradiated with gamma rays, transforming these already powerful lads and lasses into berserk monstrosities with severely upgraded powers. The body count included the likes of Wolverine, Cyclops, Deadpool, Spider-Man, Thor, Storm, Human Torch, and many more. Getting at least one or two of these folks into the Marvel Universe line should be no problem.

Invisible Woman
Not terribly one that I'd be excited for, but she's the only member of the core Fantastic Four to not show up in the line yet.

Kick Ass & Hit-Girl
I haven't read the book or seen the film yet, and I know they're not part of the standard Marvel universe, but I'd really like to see figures of at least Kick Ass and Hit-Girl of this scale, even if they were just released under the standard Kick Ass figure line (which I'm not even sure who produces that line... meh.)

Galacta
Having read the one-shot that came out back in May, I found the daughter of Galactus to be one of the more endearing (and adorable) characters I'd come across in comics in some time.

Venom (Mac Gargan version)
I know Eddie is the definitive Venom in most peoples' eyes, but Mac Gargan is the most recent one. Yeah, they have "Dark Spider-Man" coming out soon, but that's not the same. Strangely enough, in the current Spider-Man line, they have art for Gargan venom all over the place, but the only Venom figure of the line is Brock.

First Appearance X-Men
I'm pretty sure Toy Biz or someone made a set like this for the old line back in the day, but I'd like them in MU scale. Ol' Slim Summers, Marvel Girl, snowy-looking Iceman, human Beast, and bazooka-wielding Angel together in one set. And speaking of which...

First Appearance Wolverine
Straight out of The Incredible Hulk #180 and 181!
EDIT: Looks like this one's been confirmed!

'90's Rogue
'90's big-hair Rogue just like the one that was used in the animated series at the time. 'Nuff said.

Marvel Movie Classics
The Iron Man 2 and X-Men Origins lines seem to have done well, so how about revisiting some of the beloved movie characters of the last few years in a sub-line? I'd love to have the movie versions of Green Goblin, Beast, Hannibal King, Invisible Woman, and more in this scale.

Freakin' Sweet

To prove I'm not all doom and gloom, I've decided to start a counterpoint counterpart to the "What Really Grinds My Gears" segments. It's titled "Freakin' Sweet", and details things I like.

If you haven't realized how big of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fan I am, you are obviously not paying close enough attention. Back in the late 1980's, my father worked a lot, and at bizarre hours. I vaguely remember those days, but I do recall that he'd sleep all day and I'd rarely see him. When we did spend time together, it was normally to watch martial arts films, particularly those of Bruce Lee.

So when I saw that there was this new cartoon coming on with ninja in it, that had anthropomorphic animals as the heroes, I was excited. While the fact was that the show ended up being more slapstick than hardcore grappling and bone breaks, this did not deter me from falling completely in love with this show.

As my father was rarely present during these years, I somehow found a surrogate father and male role model in this program; that of the Turtles' sensei and father, Master Splinter. A ninjutsu master transformed into a ratman by his arch-nemesis (at least in this continuity), Splinter was wise, honorable, compassionate, and overall, he kicked major gluteus maximus!

Since Splinter was ostensibly my father figure, I began to see his sons, the Turtles, as my brothers. This regard was helped by the fact that at this time, I had no siblings. Throughout my years, I began to see how viewing this madcap gang of mutants as a second family actually helped shape my personality: the wisdom of Splinter, leadership of Leonardo, technological affinity of Donatello, easygoing attitude of Michelangelo, and, although it rarely flares, the temper of Raphael. All traits that I can attribute to these Turtles and their adoptive father.

Other than introducing me to the world of martial arts that lead me to finding and growing fond of the Turtles, my father was also the catalyst of my massive TMNT action figure collection.

Sometime in 1989, my family went on vacation to visit friends. My mother had failed to pack any playthings to keep me occupied (I cannot recall just why this was), so she had my father stop at the local Fred Meyer and get a toy for me (amongst other things). My father, not quite knowing a lot about what I was into other than dinosaurs and Bruce Lee flicks, saw the word "ninja" on a toy, and thought I'd like it. When he returned to the car with this figure in hand, I swear I could see my own eyes light up.



Behold, Rock N' Roll Michaelangelo, my very first TMNT figure - the first of many (though this obviously is not a photo of my figure :p ). This figure is still in my collection to this very day, and although fairly common, old and playworn, it is still one of my most prized figures - compare it, I suppose, to Scrooge McDuck's lucky #1 dime.

The origins of the Turtles actually precede my own. As the legend goes, in 1983, to friends, Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman, sat around eating pizza and watching "bad tv". Eastman had sketched a squat, anthropomorphic turtle with an eyemask and nunchaku strapped to its forearms. The two of them decided to run with this concept, creating four such beings, and using a tax refund as well as a loan from Eastman's uncle, they self-published their first book, titled "Eastman and Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles".

The comic was intended to be a one-shot issue, parodying popular comics of the day such as Daredevil and Frank Miller's Ronin. The comic, in contrast to the franchise's now-better known kid oriented material, was quite dark and gritty, a tale of revenge and murder with art that fit an underground comic. Eastman and Laird were surprised, however, when positive response for the comic was overwhelming - at least as much as possible for an independent book published with limited release and budget. Later that year the duo published a second issue, and from there, the series really took off. Before long, Eastman and Laird were discussing a cartoon show and action figures with Surge Licensing, and the rest is history. Well, this has all been history, but that's just a saying. Come to think of it, it's a very strange saying... bah... I'm going on a tangent.

Now here we are, 25 years from the first issue's release. As detailed in previous entries, I do have misgivings about what seems to be a misfire in a "shell-abration" (I hate that overused pun), but there are things that are looking quite gravy this year. Of especial note is that there are at least two TMNT video games coming out in 2009. The first of which is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Smash-Up, a four-player platforming versus fighter by the guys that made Super Smash Bros. Brawl and former Team Ninja members (responsible for Ninja Gaiden and Dead or Alive). As of this writing, only the four Turtles and Splinter are confirmed as playable, but publisher Ubisoft promises "many surprises" in the roster, including ones that "the older fans" would enjoy. Here's to hoping that what they choose is satisfying....

The other game slated to release this year, on Xbox 360's "LIVE Arcade" service, and possibly Wii, is a remake of the classic game Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, with 3D graphics. This game has actually, as of this time, still not been announced by Ubisoft, but was seen in playable demo form during some of the 25th anniversary festivities. The game seems to be based on the arcade version, as the Shredder masthead and Tokka as a boss in Skull & Crossbones would indicate.



Man... I can't tell if it's the game footage or the chicken fried rice that's making me salivate....

Anyway, even with things looking sort of bleak for the comic (if sales don't pick up by the year's end, it may go bye-bye), I'm going to still support the Turtles through everything. Hey, there's also a new movie coming in 2011, which will be here before we know it. Epic!

25 Years of TMNT... Makes Me Sad - Day 3

Today, we'll talk about one of the things the TMNT are most well known for - action figures. Not including the brief period of inactivity in the late 90's-early 2000's, TMNT action figures have been a mainstay of toy isles for twenty years. Toys have flown off shelves in certain years in record amounts, and the toys have helped make both Playmates and TMNT what they are today.

1988 saw the release of the first wave of figures - ten of 'em.



Years roll by, and after a couple of reboots, we get to where we are today. So what does the 25th anniversary have in store for us?



Oh yay. Every known hip-hop stereotype crammed onto a single figure. I can almost hear Sam Riegel screaming "GET BACK MOTHERF***ER, YOU DON'T KNOW ME LIKE THAT!" TMNT figures have always had zany, stupid variants like Crazy Clownin' Mike, Punk Don, and Bodacious Biker Leo. The only difference is that these figures were completely different sculpts from the originals. Donny D here? He's just the standard 2007 Movie Don with stuff glued to him and his teeth painted gold. Ugh. Just how much lazier can you get?



Pretty damn lazy, apparently. While Playmates has long made figures that weren't quite accurate to the shows, they've never been this... vomit inducing. You'd think that for the 25th anniversary, Playmates would actually attempt to get their figures that are actually in the show, sort of close to their cartoon appearances. And again, it's just a standard figure with crap glued to him. This looks like something an amateur customizer would come up with! What's the worst part, is these are supposed to represent Back to the Sewer. Playmates is releasing Cyber versions of all four Turtles, Shredder, Foot Ninja, and a build-a-figure Splinter - none of which have correct colours (Splinter's fur is freaking BLUE for Christ's sake!)... and all of which are reportedly "coming soon", despite the fact that the show is over in two weeks!

Toy companies have an unhealthy obsession with variants of the main character, and no more so than Playmates. The worst thing is, TMNT has four main characters, so when a wave of figures is ushered out, there's always the four Turtles and a bad guy or two - if that! The Alien Hunters figures were supposed to release with four villains, but in the US, only two of them were. The other two were released only in the UK, despite all four of them being openly advertised in all markets. The Sub-Sewer came and went last year (or, rather, came and went... directly to the clearance aisle), and the two villains planned - which actually made appearances in Back to the Sewer - never showed up.

Two years ago, Playmates jumped on the chibi-ish figure bandwagon and brought out a new line of Mini-Mutants (not to be confused with the Mighty Max-esque Mini-Mutants from the 90's). They did rather well... sadly, though, the market has been soiled with lame Turtles variants and the same villains over and over. Wave 1's villains consisted of Hun, Rat King, Triceraton, and Foot Tech Ninja. Last year's Extreme Sports wave consisted of Baxter Stockman, Jammerhead, Elite Foot, and Multi-Arm Shredder. Earlier this year, the Mini-Mutant villains consisted of Hun, Foot Tech Ninja, Elite Foot, and Shredder (which was a pack-in with a Mini-Mutants playset). What does the upcoming "SWAT" Mini-Mutant Turtles come with? Rat King, Hun, Foot Tech Ninja, and Shredder. See a pattern here? Not only that, there have been no allies in Mini-Mutants. In fact...

There have been no new ally figures OR female figures for almost two years. And besides the 25th anniversary re-releases (which I will get to in a minute), the only allies being released in the foreseeable future are - I am not making this up - two Splinter figures. And NO new female figures. The series has always been mostly about the Turtles vs. baddies, but their allies - Casey Jones, April O'Neil, Leatherhead, Miyamoto Usagi - have all been very well known as well. Sometimes it takes more than just four shellbacks to beat down wave after wave of Foot Ninja, street punks, aliens, evil mutants, and monsters. It's just sickening that Playmates has ignored the Turtles' friends for so long, and seemingly continue to do so.

Now let's get to one of the sort-of cool releases for the 25th anniversary. Playmates has selected thirteen figures from the original line - including all of the original "Ten back" figures, and is steadily releasing them in waves. This is perfect for the newer fan that isn't eBay savvy, or collectors that don't care what release of a figure they get, and don't want to pay out the butt for carded versions of some of these characters. I also think it would be neat to see the likes of Bebop and Rocksteady on shelves again (they've already released, but as of this writing, I haven't personally seen any of the 2009 releases).

In theory, this is a cool idea. However, there's a few things that I do have to gripe about. One of which, is the chosen box art. I like the idea of the 25th anniversary logo in the corner, and the big ol' character information sticker on front of the bubble, but that's about it. The card art looks like it was haphazardly patched together by a tenth-grader learning PhotoShop, and it's WAY too crowded. Ideally, if they were going to use the same art as was used initially, they should have at least cut the duties in half - one card art for the good guys, and one for the bad. Better yet, they should have had the original artist, if possible, draw ALL NEW card art in the same style. I miss the days when every card was unique. I also lament the absence of the famous Accessory and Portrait sections on the card's back. These were staples of the original line back in the day.

These suckers are selling like hotcakes all over the place, though, and hopefully not just through internet scalpers (who sell them at 2-3 times their MSRP). It is my hope that this persuades Playmates into re-releasing more figures from the old line, or, better yet, NEW figures based on the old line. They're already sort of doing that with the Old Toon DVD Season 7, but they're just downscaled versions of the original four Turtles. It's something, though....

The other line that is potentially exciting, is their Mirage Comics line. While not as awesome as NECA's line, they look to break Playmates' trappings of the other full-scaled figures we've seen over the past couple of years.

The Turtles themselves appear to be based on the later comics, while Shredder and the Foot are more in line with their original appearances - or at least, they would be, if the Foot were the right colours, and Shredder's helmet didn't look so retarded. Seriously, Playmates, if you're going to Shredder and Oroku Saki styles for your figures - USE ALTERNATE HEADS! Splinter looks neat, but I couldn't tell you which comic style he takes after. He looks more like Old Toon Splinter, if anything. If Playmates keeps going, this might be a worthwhile continuation for the line for them. As a matter of fact, Playmates, why don't you just do a TMNT universe line, where you release new figures from every universe? You'll literally have people tripping over themselves to buy them; I guarantee it 100%!

Now let's move onto NECA's offerings. NECA released the original four Turtles that mirrored their appearances in the first TMNT comic, and lit the world on fire. Retailers sold out quickly and for a while, you couldn't even find them without sacrificing your genitalia. Publications - both online and in print - were heralding this line as a runner for new toy line of the year. The design was near flawless, and for once, we had Turtles with articulation that fit a ninja.

Then something happened... after showing a preview of their April O'Neil figure at New York Comic Con 2008 and ones of Shredder, Foot Ninja, and Elite Foot at San Diego Comic Con 2008... NECA unfortunately maintained a radio silence with the outside world regarding the figures... including with Mirage themselves. Fans... were... LIVID. For the longest time, it looked as if these amazing-looking figures were going to never be released. When Playmates' own Mirage-based figures were unveiled, blame was going around that since Playmates felt that Mirage went behind their backs to get the NECA figures made, Playmates responded with their own comic-based figures, and NECA, feeling bullied, refused to release any more figures.

Finally, this year, at ToyFair 2009, NECA brought the above figures again, and indicated that they almost certainly were coming out this year. Their official excuse on the delay? They needed support in the UK, since the previous wave hadn't sold well there. That's a pretty lame excuse, if you ask me. They even openly admitted that the TMNT aren't on the whole, as popular there as back here in The Colonies; in fact, I'm wholly convinced that's the reason Playmates' TMNT figures aren't heading to shelves in Europe this year. But still, that's the official word, and however crappy as it may be, we've got to unfortunately take it at face value and thank God that there's a 98% chance we'll get our hands on them. Let's hope that a third wave is released before I have grandchildren.

Now see, out of all of the TMNT merchandising, the toys are the ones I have closest kinship to. But with the advent of some really crappy figures and/or planning out there, it's hard to weed out the good stuff. I miss the simple days, when although there were dozens of dorky Turtle variants, there were also legions of mutants to collect. Hell, the old figures even had many cool variants for the Turtles' enemies and allies, which is something that has been in short supply following the 2003 revival.

If Playmates wants to keep at the TMNT game - which as I said before, is the major reason anybody even knows who they are - they've got to step up their game. Put some more articulation in those damn things. I'm no articulation Nazi, but for the love of Christ, they're NINJA! They should be able to move at least a bit more, be able to have many different posing options, and at least be able to stand easily without having to place their feet in a very specific position. Hell, there are some figures, like Agent Bishop, that make me sad with their very existence due to the fact that such nimble characters are permanently locked in one stiff position.

Second of all, model them after how they were represented in the media they come from. The consumer shouldn't be forced to take an X-Acto Knife, Dremel tool, nail file, and paints to their action figures just to make them look right. It's maddening! Customizing action figures should be a hobby, not a necessity!

If you're looking for another toy line to model how you pad the TMNT line's cast, Playmates, look no further than Hasbro's Star Wars line. Not only do they have many different interesting variants of their central characters, without resulting to something as flat-out retarded as DJ Obi-Wan or Birthday Clown Luke, but they make figures for practically every character from every form of media. Many different generic soldier variants exist, and even a guy who is in one scene of one film for 3/13ths of a second and is only visible from the shoulders up in the back of a crowd shot has a chance of becoming a figure! But important characters from the series' past such as Lord Dregg, Ultimate Drako, Jagwar, Master Khan, and scads more, have been left in the dust. And for Heaven's sakes, Hasbro's CEO was named CEO of the year for 2008 by MarketWatch, because of the following:

How much do you consider the opinions of hardcore fans of the franchise when making decisions for the films?
GOLDNER: The hardcore fans are an integral part of the thought process. ...

Was there any particular fan feedback on the first "Transformers" that you took into account for the sequel?
GOLDNER: ... So what we did is, we focused in on some of those things that the fans told us from a very early stage that they wanted to see in the next movie...

But you guys are paying attention.
GOLDNER: Constantly. And I think what's great about our creative teams, our filmmaking teams is, they get it. They absolutely understand how to strike that balance, and they want to strike that balance and understand the core fan feedback. Because at the very heart, that's the thread that will hold the franchise together forever, if you'll honor that. And then of course, they also are great filmmakers and in their own right they also have the ability to reinvent the brand in a completely unexpected way.

That's right, they LISTEN to their fans. They don't set some braindead scab on customer service e-mail duty with robotic responses that don't equate to fans' concerns. They do this thing that more businesses should do, call "giving a crap". I'm not making Hasbro to be the second coming of Jesus in toy company form, especially since I don't even buy any of their product (other than Star Wars figures for my pops as gifts), but it seems they've got their act together! Don't listen to some tired old man's opinion of how a toy will sell because it's got "play value" - which includes attaching a weapon to a musical instrument. Listen to the people that are actually buying your product!


Another point I'd like to make, and this one to both Playmates and NECA, is that you need to start making Army Builder packs. Many of us like collecting the Foot Soldiers, Utroms, Triceratons, Turtlebots, and so forth en masse to indicate armies of these generic warriors. It can be an utter pain in the ass to track down enough of these to build an army with. Throw three in a window box with one accessory a piece, charge 2.5 times what you would for a standard figure, and you're golden!

That's enough ranting for one day... I've got work to finish up. I'll be back tomorrow with... something... cartoons, maybe. Peace with a feast in the Middle East, my brothas and sistas!

Sources:
Pictures: TMNT Official Website, Big Bad Toy Store, Toy News International, myself.
Hasbro CEO Excerpt: Roseangelo/Toyfare

These Boots Were Made For Leggin'

This past summer, I visited the local Swap Meet. While in years past this locale was an excellent vending ground for just about anything you'd ever need, these days it consists of mostly overpriced electronics, merchants who have thousands upon thousands of salsa CD's, and a moonbounce with Mr. Incredible on the front, positioned so that it appears that the kids are jumping around in his ass. Fortunately, an eagle-eyed shopper can find something of worth with enough determination, and this particular trip netted me a nice set of chopsticks, some inexpensive Xbox games, and a few TMNT figures. None of these items, however, could hold a candle to these:

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Now, I'm not a collector of bootlegged action figures in general. By buying these shoddily made chunks of cheap plastic, you are only encouraging the criminals in continuing their seedy enterprise. However, I am also a TMNT fan, and finally finding a bootleg figure set at one of these things with a Turtle figure in it was something I had yearned for for quite some time. I had to have this set. Other than a couple of spottily painted parachuting Turtles I had found at a Goodwill, I had never owned any bootleg figures previously. I recall when the TMNT figures were still in their infancy back in the late '80's, I saw some bootleg figures at a discount store that were going for $3 or so. I do not recall much about them, other than I believe their weapons and/or names were mixed between the four Turtles, and the weapons were black. Other than that, they looked more or less like the real deal. However, my mother refused to buy them for me, as they were "not the real Turtles". Oh, woe.

Anyway, excuse my tangent, let's take a look at these figures, shall we?


First off, let's take a look at Fighting Gear Raphael and The Thing. Raph comes with a multi-pronged sai (which is almost unrecognizable in these photos, due to my crappy camerawork) and a chestplate. This is literally the complete extent of his armour. Unlike the real Fighting Gear Raph, there are no shin and forearm guards, nor a helmet. Also notice that his belt is green, and his wrist, elbow, and knee pads are red. He also does not have a tail to his headband.

The Thing is a disturbingly peculiar creature. Although his head is as craggy as one would expect from an action figure of The Thing, the rest of his body is set smooth, like a normal human's. It is my theory that his body was supposed to be that of The Hulk's, or that it was originally used in a Hulk bootleg figure. Also, instead of being orange, his skin is sort of a peach-ish, like a typical Caucasian's. The sculpting on Thing has to be the worst of the bunch, as his waist is slightly off-center, and there is about a millimeter of plastic on the inside of his left calf that protrudes down further than the rest of his leg. His left foot is also loose.

Interestingly enough, There was a flap on the figure set's package (which I will show you shortly), right over Brandon Routh's head, where a potential customer could press a button on the back of Raphael's shell. There is a little dot on his plastron, which I assume would be a light. Only it didn't work. I figured perhaps that the batteries were dead, that someone had played with it too much prior to the toy's purchase. However, after using a screwdriver to dismantle his shell, I found that there is no mechanism inside that would allow such a thing to occur. There is literally no connection between the button and the light. If someone were to add an extra action feature to a knockoff figure, you would think they would at least put some sort of device inside that would actually make it work. Nevermind the fact that if Raph's armour were on, the light would be useless anyway...

Both Raph and Thing come with these retarded little whatever-the-Hell-they-ares. They look like they are supposed to be POGs at first glance, but they're made from such thin material... I'm not an artsy kind of guy, so I don't know exactly what it is. They're not made of cardboard; the material is even thinner than a paper grocery sack. I recall finding some bootleg Dragon Ball figures at a Dollar Store that had the same kind of items. Anyway, Raph's has the four Turtles with the 2003 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles logo, while Thing's is just the number four.



Now come the Spider-Men. The standard Spider-Man is literally impossible to get to stand under his own power despite being the exact same sculpt as the Symbiote one. I had to lean him up against Thing to take these photos. In any case, standard Spider-Man has these detachable rubber suction cup-like items, only they aren't suction cups. They are made of a thin yet durable rubber, and are impossible to stick to anything in any matter. He also comes with a big red web that is made of the same material. Symbiote Spider-Man comes with a triple-barreled crossbow (which I didn't realize until it was too late, that it is not possible to make it out from these photos). It doesn't do anything other than clip to his wrist. There is also another thin little paper object, this one of a blue-and-yellow spider monster with the words "Man-Spider" printed beneath it. It is not round like the other ones.





The final figure in this horror show is Superman. Superman has to be the worst of the bunch, and of course, that's saying a lot. Superman obviously has a Batman sculpted body, and worse yet, he looks like he's trying to take a squat right there in front of God and everybody. Everything about his body looks like it belongs to Batman, from the spikes on the gloves to the cuts in his cape. Only the head, colours, and that crappily painted backwards "S" on his chest would tell you that it is a Superman figure. Oddly enough, Superman also does not come with any accessories - not even a shitty little paper emblem.




The package is your standard "throw on as many characters the kids like as you can with random Engrish". I find it funny that all four of the TMNT are presented on the card's front, but all of the other franchises only have one character. I honestly would not have opened this package if it wasn't for the fact that it was already a quarter of the way off when I bought it. Actually, all of the ones they had there with Raph were like this, and some of the ones without him were in worse condition. I paid $7 for this pack, instead of $8 like the tag says. I tried to talk the merchant down to $5 because it was already open, but $7 was as low as she was going to go. I still feel like I got screwed considering the fact that the open package could have been a catalyst to deliver Avian Influenza, or Rocking Pnemonia, or The Clap, or whatever the popular biological weapon is these days for unloading on unsuspecting parents that think they're buying the kids the real thing, or dweebs like me that know they're buying a bootleg but don't care. It is late and I am quite sleepy, so I will let the photos do the talking for me.

















Hey kids! Can you tell which one is the real figure, and which is the fake?



Shredder-Raph's evil was outclassed by the evil of Dangerous-Amounts-of-Lead-Based-Paint-Raph.